


Late Night

by soft_sweethearts



Category: GOT7
Genre: Angst, M/M, Mentions/Implications of Depression, jingyeom - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-16
Updated: 2017-11-16
Packaged: 2019-02-03 08:20:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12744564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soft_sweethearts/pseuds/soft_sweethearts
Summary: Jinyoung can’t sleep





	Late Night

**Author's Note:**

> This one is pretty short because it was moreso a vent fic than anything. (Also I can’t carry out angst for long) Short disclaimer: Its implied that Jinyoung has depression, but in no way am I trying to make that universal or act like this is the way it is for everyone. That aspect is compiled entirely of my own experiences and I understand that it’s not the same for everyone.

**11:00**

Sometimes life was suffocating. If there was one thing that rung true in Park Jinyoung’s twenty three years of life, it was that fact.

He wished he could rid himself of it all, his worries, his frustrations, everything that kept weighing him down to the point where it was all he could do to just sit there and breathe.

The juxtaposition of the small balcony outside of his apartment from day to night was something he’d never been able to wrap his head around. He’d never go out during the day, too worried that a passerby would see him and just _know_. During the night, though, he could sit there for hours, disconnecting from everything but the cold air on his skin and the occasional view of headlights in his peripheral vision. 

It was on a night like this when Jinyoung was curled up in bed, sleep seeming to stay as far away from him as possible. Yugyeom’s long limbs were wrapped around him, and, while the feeling wasn't unwelcome, his own thoughts held him in a tighter grip than his boyfriend’s arms. As gently as he could, he untangled himself from the other boy and walked out of the room and into the night. Once outside, he was filled with a sense of dread he couldn't place the source of whatsoever. He tried to breathe, hoping with each exhale he could lighten his chest even if only a little. 

He took a breath. What was wrong with him?

He took a breath. Why did he feel like he was drowning?

He took a breath. Why did everything feel so _wrong_?

He took a breath. He couldn't breathe.

Jinyoung sat down and curled his legs into his chest. He could've laughed at how pathetic he look right now. The cold air cut through his thin nightshirt, causing him to shiver, but he couldn't bring himself to care.

He deserved this. He deserved to be cold and alone and desperate to understand why he was feeling so horrible. _He_ was horrible. 

Crying had always been something Jinyoung resented rather than embraced. To him, bottling it up was far better than crying as if he were a child. Jinyoung knew he was weak, but crying caused him to _appear_ that way as well, and that, he refused to do.

Despite this, he felt tears slowly begin to slide down his cheeks. He lifted his hand to wipe them away, but just as soon let it fall back down to his side. This was his punishment, feeling weak and helpless. What he was punishing himself for he didn’t know, but the feeling of self resentment still lingered, and so the tears did as well.

**11:30**

Jinyoung heard a few light taps on the glass door behind him and turned around the see the source of the noise. Yugyeom stood there, a glass of water in his hand and a blanket draped over his arm, waiting for Jinyoung to tell him to stay or go. Jinyoung nodded his head in invitation and Yugyeom slid the door open, setting the items down on the table.

“Hi.” He whispered.

“Hi.” Jinyoung whispered back.

“Do you want either of those?” Yugyeom asked, gesturing to the items he had in tow.

Jinyoung nodded. “Water, please.”

Yugyeom handed him the glass and Jinyoung downed the entire thing, quenching a thirst he hadn't even realized was there.

“Do you want me to stay?” Yugyeom asked as he took the glass back.

Jinyoung grabbed his hand and squeezed gently. “Stay with me until tomorrow?”

Yugyeom sat down on the chair beside him. “Of course.”

Jinyoung scooted his chair closer to Yugyeom’s, the other boy chuckling at the sound of the feet scraping against the floor. Once Jinyoung was close enough, he rested his head on Yugyeom’s shoulder. Any of other time Yugyeom would’ve teased him for the tender action, but tonight he just tilted his head towards Jinyoung’s.

Yugyeom began to hum softly, the sound comforting to Jinyoung’s ears.

“You sound pretty.” The older boy told him, his tone free of jest.

“You look pretty.” Yugyeom replied.

Jinyoung scoffed. “I look like a mess.”

Yugyeom gestured to his hair, still ruffled and tangled from sleep. “I think I’ve got you beat.” Jinyoung gave a gentle laugh at that before shivering slightly. “Do you want that blanket now?” 

Jinyoung nodded and Yugyeom took it from the table, draping it over both of their shoulders. In the warmth, Jinyoung found his body relaxing and his mind, for the first time that day, growing quiet.

Yugyeom couldn't fix him, this they both knew, but he was there, and to Jinyoung that was more than enough.

**11:45**

Jinyoung looked over at Yugyeom’s wrist for the time: 11:45. “Yugyeom, am I a bad boyfriend?”

Yugyeom ran his fingers through Jinyoung’s hair gently. “Of course not, what makes you think that?”

“Well aren't couples supposed to watch the sunrise together? I just always drag you out here to watch nothing.”

“Sunrises are overrated. Only weirdos are up that early.”

“We’re up early.”

“We’re up _late_.” Yugyeom corrected. “Anyway, you didn't drag me out here. I came out here because I wanted to.”

Jinyoung snorted. “You wanted to sit with me while I acted like a freak?”

“It's called being human, Jinyoung. You're allowed to have emotions. You're allowed to be upset. You’re allowed to do more than just act like everything's okay.”

There was no humour behind Jinyoung’s laugh. “I’ve been told that i'm a really great actor.”

Yugyeom’s face fell. “You don't have to be.”

Jinyoung shrugged in response. “It’s easier that way.”

“How can it be easier bottling up your emotions like this?” Yugyeom asked. “I can't handle the thought of something happening to you without me even having the slightest idea that anything was wrong in the first place.” There was a hitch at the end of his voice, and Jinyoung could tell the younger boy was about to cry. As tears ran down Yugyeom’s face, he tried frantically to wipe them away with his sleeves, his next words coming out muffled from behind them. “I love you so much, Jinyoung. I want you to be happy more than I want anything else in the world, but that doesn't mean you have to pretend to be. Please don't pretend around me, I just really really-” His voice broke off as a sob rose up, and Jinyoung felt his heart sink.

He quickly moved to wrap his arms around Yugyeom, holding the boy close until his sobs resided. One Yugyeom had calmed down, he pulled away slightly. “You can always tell me when something is wrong. I don’t care if you have to wake me up in the middle of the night every single night, I’m here and you don’t have to face everything alone.”

Jinyoung didn’t know what else to do but nod in response and say, “Okay.”

**11:55**

“Yugyeom, why is happiness so temporary?” Jinyoung asked. The other boy sat there and considered the question for a minute before opening his mouth to reply.

“Well if we were happy all the time, there’d be no difference between being happy and just being.”

**12:00**

One day melded into the next without a trace. Jinyoung took another breath and heard Yugyeom do the same. He might be okay today, he might not be, but it was a new day.


End file.
